I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
