i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
