Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
