Just cropdusted the office
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
