i just sent this text using only my big toe
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
