The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
