i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
