oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
