I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
