If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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