Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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