So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
