you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
