My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
