thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
