she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
