If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize