Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
