Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize