I swear she didn't look like that last week.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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