WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
