3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
