So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
