Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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