I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
