I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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