I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
