This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
