oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
