Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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