Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
