I hate all girls vehemently.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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