Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
