Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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