the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
