You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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