Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
