Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize