Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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