just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
