she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
