in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
