3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
