she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
