Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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