All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
