The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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