she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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