is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
