Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
