oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
