GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
