i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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