You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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