I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
