it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
