it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
