there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
