i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
