just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
