Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
