Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
