party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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