Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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