I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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