Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
