conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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