final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
