I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize