he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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