Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
