Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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