i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
