giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
