don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
