i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize