When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
