Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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