I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
